Feedback on Hillary's Habitrail

Hmmm. It seems that there are a lot of people out there who just don't have a lot going on in their lives right now. Well, I know how that can be. But it also seems a lot of them decide to write me letters, which i find pretty amusing. Some of them are even helpful, so THANKS if you were one of those people! Here are some of the notes I've gotten from lonely web-surfers (names x'ed out to protect the well-intended)(unless otherwise noted, i've never even heard of these people):

Date: Tue, 29 Oct 1996 00:17:21 +0100
Subject: I'm disperated :-))

Rome (Italy), Oct 29, 1996 h00.12 Local time

Dear Hillary,
1) U are a beatiful girl,
2) I write from Rome (italy)

Sorry for my bad english,
I'm 27 and from 17 year i looked for realising a strange dream,
but anyone wants to realise.
I like very much girls in furry suits /costume like U.
Is it possible to help me to stay with girls that likes dress
animal costumes like bears, panda, gorilla, etc... ?

Please help me ? :-)))))

Bye and thanks a lot

Date: Fri, 26 Jul 1996 14:34:21 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Your web site

Do you want mail from deranged net surfers?!? 'Cause I'm as deranged as
they come. WOO HOO!!!!!!!! I gots ta tell ya brotha!!!!! The powerful
power of your web site is too much even for me. Ya gots ta be postin' the
REALLY weird messages. I don't know if you even wanted this letter, but I
had to write, just to try to get posted on the coolest net site out there.
Except for mine. Tell your readers to check me out at
HA!!! No, seriously, your page kicks my pages ASS. I'm just trying to get
some exposure. Anyhoo, wanted to fill you in on the fact that there are
plenty of psychos out there who are stumbling across your web site. POST
THIS LETTER!!! Pleeeeeeze???
"The bowling ball isn't human!! It doesn't feel pain!!!!!! It can't be
reasoned with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hoo hoo hoo hoo!!!!!!!

Date: Mon, 3 Jun 1996 22:08:30 -0400
Subject: HAhAhaahahah, Ive found life!

You are very rich in mind and spirit
 I truely hope that the vast spirit that you hold so true and deep is
never depleted while working with the vastness of total idiots and dolts
that surround smart folks like us

I will send you a file which represents my take on the essence of
PS my name is John, 
Please write back when the weather channel gets to complex...

Date: Sun, 21 Jul 1996 10:21:43 +0000
Subject: Howdy

It is clear to me that one Hillary Gorman is highly intelligent, 
well-liked by many, and rather fetching to boot.
Marry me.


Date: Sun, 17 Mar 96 20:54:13 -0800
Subject: a link to your page

hello. i am working on a homepage. Its almost done. there is a smallish 
section that contains the "Prettyest Web-Girls". the difference between my 
list of web-females and other lists, is that mine are *real* people that 
are mostly normal and dont go out of their way to show off their beauty. 
you qualify. is it ok to add your page as a link?
[name deleted] - (born feb 19th 1966 by the way)
Date: Thu, 29 Feb 1996 17:02:11 -0500
Subject: Howdy!

I love your web page.  Er, web pages.  I'm so jealous.  They're really
slick, and I love the vet/animal links.. I've spend hours ignoring support
calls and browsing through your webspace... :-)  Anyway, now I've got this
great secret desire to become a Close Personal Friend of Hillary.  No, no,
not that Close and Personal, just that warm, fuzzy email friendship that
the citizens of Paskataway, New Jersey seem to have mastered. 

Sorry, I've been teching for about 4 hours straight and my brain is
starting to get a tad fuzzy.  If nothing else, I wanted to say that I
think your pages are really slick.  I'm at[deleted], if you're curious.  Can I add a link
from my page to yours?  I'm trying to learn advanced html stuff, like
scripts, frames, and the like, but it's not that cool.  Yet.  *grin*

Anyway, take it easy.

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least
expect it.  That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your
    -- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine, the Army's
magazine of preventive maintenance
No way, no how, do I speak for MindSpring.  Heaven Forbid.
- Love me, Love my daughter -


Date: Fri, 13 Sep 96 14:23:10 CDT
To: hillary gorman 

HILLARY, !!!!  i just saw your web site, impressive, i also saw your pic.

WILL YOU MARRY  ME??????????  YOUR GORGEOUS!!!!!  oh yeah, we have a ot of
similar interests, besides animals, ie, music, research interests, etc.

ever get to st. louis?   writ eme!



Date: Thu, 25 Apr 1996 02:21:19 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Cows and Smiles

Glad and yet sorry to here Paul is out of the picture. Thoroughly enjoyed 
your web pages and the pictures of you ROCK. You have a really terrific 
smile and wouldn't mind if you sent me a few Jpg. Actually besides the 
fact that you have a terric smile, myself and a few friends were surfing 
( pappa ooh mow mow ) around the City Paper's web site 
and quite enjoyed your foreshortened cow.  
Also please mail me if you have any more foreshortened cows.
Cows and Smiles, 


Date: Sat, 27 Jan 1996 14:31:07 -0500
Subject: Cool site

Hi Hillary!
You and your friends look like you're having a great time!
Can you give me some advice on creating my own home page?
How many hits do you get a week, how expensive is it, what type of connection
do you have?

Any info you would like to pass along will be appreciated.
Thank you and Take Care!

NOTE: David says he's anti-anonymity, so i left his name on this
Date: Sat, 13 Jan 1996 20:45:49 -0500
From: DavidTuchman 
Subject: I was visitor 3655, and now I'm 3658, and I haven't even left yet!

 Just finished reading those other emails you've put on display. So, I was
right! You
do have weird people stopping by to bug you!

 But it seems I've forgotten something in my last message. I have to pledge
to you my
undying love!! I forgot to tell you about how I'm a lonely, dirty old man
(of 39) in
Houston, TX who has been drooling over your pictures, and wanting to wish
upon you an exceptional day! And I need to mention that although I know it's
impossible, I really
want to drive 30 hours north to blizzard land to meet you for a beer and a
pizza. You
see, my life is totally FUCKED and therefore, I have deeply seated personal
and emotional problems, and I figure that if I'm VERY, VERY, VERY
woke up this morning in yet another
alternate reality - you might just be fucking stupid enough to tell me where
you live
and also arrange to meet me and actually be there without having a squad of
vice cops surrounding the area! Sheesh!!

 I've been working on my own Web page, and now I'm starting to wonder if
what I'm working on is as good an idea as I first thought it was.  I wanted
to make, what I've
called a (copyright 1995 Dave Tuchman) Cyberautobiography. So far, the
closest thing I've seen to this is a woman whose head has obviously become
unscrewed who puts her
diary on the net with an entry every day.

 Reading your old email has given me a feel for what I'd be letting myself
in for once
people started reading & responding to my page. I'd be getting seriously
deranged emails from who (or what) the hell knows! Maybe I can link them to
you if you really are going to make a page of weird emails. Mine would give
it balance. Nobody's going to fall madly in love with me, I can tell you
that! (Don't worry, I won't use you as a link without permission! (No
censorship on the Net, but death to assholes who abuse etiquette!)

 By now you might be suspecting that I am one of those get-a-life types who
have nothing better to do than to write to strangers. Actually, I'm a couch
potato (no "e", Mr. Quayle) who likes to do something-anything to get some
use out of this $2,000 game machine while I watch TV or listen to the radio
(Howard Stern, Rush, Dr. Laura ((she's her daughter's mother)) or G. Gordon

 I also need to have something keeping my neurons firing during:
commercials; crappy stuff I'm watching the last 10 minutes of until the show
I want to watch comes on; or
while I'm finally watching the show I was waiting for and it turns out to be
not quite as interesting as I thought it would be.

 This is why the Internet is so great! Now, from the comfort of my own home,
I can drive complete strangers crazy as I ramble on and on and on about
nothing at all. How
Monty Pythonish! I was going to dribble on and on some more, but there
actually IS something on I want to watch, and good TV beats rambling anyday!

 And by the way, I am anti-anonymity, so anyone who wants to babble to me
can do it at:


Date: Sat, 20 Jan 1996 16:42:26 -0600 (CST)
Subject: !


(sorry, after seeing the page, I couldn't resist.)

Date: Thu, 18 Jan 1996 21:29:56 +0100
From: xxxxxx  
Subject: rabbits

Dear Hillary, yours rabbits  are wonderfull....... From Italy.  I don't
speak english. I am sorry. Bye, bye, IRMA from Italy. I love all the
animals...... Ciao!
Date: Wed, 17 Jan 1996 22:14:54 +0000
Subject: Nothing Really?

Dear Hillary,
        I was surfing around the web and found your page. (please don't ask
how I got here) But I saw your page and your picture...and something
about your smile just got to me. Well, jeeze, it was enough to get
me to write you an email! Anyway, just wanted to you to know that
your appreciated (your face and efforts, that is.)

-> xxx
Forwarded message:
>From POPmail Sat Jan 13 21:18:02 1996
Date: Sat, 13 Jan 96 20:59:43 -0800
Subject: I'm impressed!

Loved your page. Started doing my geek code and got cold shivers, 
reminded me of school too much. I love Hillary, too, 'cause I'm
old and perverted!

Date: Sat, 13 Jan 96 19:03:45 -0800
Subject: Message from surfer #3655

It looks like Paul isn't working with y'all anymore, but, did he break
your heart, too? The NOT circle over his face in the photo seems like
you're really pissed at him. How do you think he must feel whenever he
drops by your page when his starts to miss y'all. I know from your links
that you wouldn't be deliberately cruel to a dumb animal, so why don't
you give poor Paul a break? Just doctor the image and crop him out,
instead of tormenting him like this. And I don't even know the guy. Maybe
he deserves it? At least you were nice enough to pass on his new link.
By the way, hope you like strangers dropping by uninvited, butting their 
noses into your business. 
This WWW shit is great!

Date: Mon, 01 Jan 96 22:11:10 -0800
Subject: (no subject)

You left Berkeley for Philadelphia ?!  The biggest mistake I ever made 
leaving the SF Bay area. Make that the second 
biggest mistake. First 
biggest mistake was the lady I chose to 
marry. But those kind of mistakes 
can be fixed by an expensive lawyer. But 
leaving SF? You can't go home 
Date: Sat, 13 Jan 1996 14:34:48 -0500 To:
Subject: Oops

created, authored, indexed, updated, processed, and otherwise
masterminded by 

<a href="">

</a> ---- your page is missing that!!!(the closing tag-hrg) with little or no help! always under construction, with increasing entropy, last messed with 11/13/95. Hi Hillary, I do believe you forgot to close your anchor! tsk tsk I actually read it this time, too!! -------------------------------- Date: Sun, 31 Dec 95 20:43:01 4000 To: Subject: Okay, so now I'm curious... ..but each of your web pages has this picture of you and Paul (whoever he is), but each instance of Paul has a circle and slash through it. Why not just take Photoshop (or even pbmplus or netpbm) and crop the image so that just your face appears? --xxxx PS: Happy New Year! ------------------------------- Date: Sun, 31 Dec 1995 11:12:02 -0500 To: Subject: Hello ! Yes, you must be a wonderful, happy person, we can't find too many like you on the web... I'm a guy from Canada. Take care, bye! ---------------------------------- Date: Sun, 31 Dec 95 07:49:25 -0800 To: Subject: (no subject) Yes, Aja. You probably loved it cuz of the track Black Cow, which may be the Random Cow in your pages. And if they call Alabama the Crimson Tide, what do they call Hahnemann U? ------------------------------------ Date: Fri, 29 Dec 1995 01:55:03 -0500 To: Subject: Fascinated Yes, and it's comfortable here in the ether, isn't it? Existing like this gives new meaning to the ancient Greek Seneca's comment that "Every day is a separate life. You're born new every morning and die fresh every night." Except that a Seneca alive today might have subsituted "log-on" for "day" . . . ------------------------------------ Date: Sat, 30 Dec 1995 01:55:05 -0500 To: Subject: Taste A useful, eclectic bunch of groups under your musical tastes. But how about Spiro Gyra and Jade and Steely Dan? Came to these groups late, after years of hard boppers like Trane and Phil Woods and Miles. But the fusion groups do it even better. And for dreamy times, late, in the dark, surf sounds outside the window, only Harlem Nocturne, by any one of the groups who have recorded it (one tune NOBODY can screw up).... --------------------------------- Date: Sat, 30 Dec 95 22:11:18 -0800 To: Subject: (no subject) Sometimes I feel like your mother, waiting for you to call home. Pls give use at least one new snippet a day, love.... ------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 28 Dec 95 05:37:07 -0800 To: Subject: (no subject) I don't know what it is, but your habitrail pages are fascinating. Don't let work get in the way of them or of the animals.... ---------------------------- Date: Thu, 28 Dec 95 05:39:40 -0800 To: Subject: Fascinated Where is the real Hillary? Here at or at Wherever, her Habitrail page is fascinating....I dunno why, but I'm glad to see that Paul got the big Disintegrate... --------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 26 Dec 95 08:03:36 -0800 To: Subject: (no subject) Just testing a new modem, and thought I'd tell you look lovely today, at least as far as the resolution of my picture phone goes . . . -------------------------------- This one's from a guy I've had BLISTERING feuds with on Usenet Date: Mon, 18 Dec 95 18:17:43 -0500 To: Subject: I'm surprised. I have finally gotten around to creating a web page for my business and I'm trying to steal/copy ideas from anyone that has decent looking page. And then I found your page. The problem with cyberspace, is that one rarely gets to put a face on the account name, but I just got to see yours. You are a very good looking women, and as my grandmother used to say, "smart too." Now don't think that I wouldn't take you apart verbally should we spar yet again over some constitutional issue. I take those issues very seriously. At least, I can see your smiling face as I write my retorts. You look awful young, so I suppose I can attribute some of the more liberal ideals to age, don't worry, you'll grow out of it eventually. Nice web pages, I stole a few things. Check mine out when I finish it. --------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 14 Dec 95 04:43:10 -0800 To: Subject: just random thoughts Greetings, Just stumbled across your page. Coolness. :-) I like it. It's simple and quiet. It has some neat pix and some cool stuff. I just wanted to say hello. And don't worry about neatness... whoever came up with that damned saying "cleanliness is next go Godliness" should be taken out and pummeled with the ClueBat (tm) until he screams Uncle (or somesuch nonsense). As for staying awake, when I used to work midnight-8 and take classes 10-4 and find time in there for a little bit of a life (or was that a "lie"? :-)... Hrmmm.. what did I do? I played with computers. Oh yeah, that is what has eventually gotten me THIS job... where it's after 4am and I am happy to be awake and writing this strange little letter. Guess that means I didn't learn much in college, what with graveyards and all. But, I am glad to say I am making damned good money. ARGH!!! Now I'm babbling. Well, anyway, nice to have met/seen a piece of your life. Take care. ---------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 14 Dec 95 10:59:33 -2400 To: Subject: HEy great page....Just browsing around wasting time and I found it....anyhow....the vet sites were especially nice. Bye ... ----------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 12 Dec 1995 14:37:28 -0800 To: Subject: Just visited Nice pages Hillary... Actually I came from Poland, some 22 years ago, so Germany is my second home. But my wife is American from Georgia. I do a lot of web surfing ( courtesy of my client ) and try to promote telework ( telecommuting ) on Compuserve as a sysop( GO TWEUROPA ). In between I do some work around space business, you may visit my still very unfinished pages with Best Wishes / mit freundlichen Gruessen ---------------------------------- Date: Tue, 12 Dec 1995 12:46:32 -0500 To: Subject: Hello! Hillary, After sifting through the various snippets available via your Web page, I've come to the uncomfortable conclusion that I may be in love with you! Rather frustrating, because (A) I'm a few thousand leagues too far north to conveniently drop by to meet you sometime, and (B) There's no way a woman like you would be available/interested in some schmo from Connecticut who just happened to read your Internet junque! But, hey, *you* asked for mail! 8-) If you care, I'm a 6'2", 37-year-old single white male with brown hair, brown eyes and a beard (often told I resemble a less-squinty Stephen King...maybe I should move to Maine and try to make $$ signing phony autographs around the feed store!). Since I got divorced a year ago or so, I've been living alone...well, these two cats *let* me live here, as long as I feed 'em and change their kitty litter every few days. I'm also a Visual Basic programmer, writer and editor, a former professional (part-time) masseur, former NASCAR stock car driver, and I have too many interests to type all into one message. Assuming you get about 10,000 messages like this a day, I don't suppose you'll reply, but if you ever happen to want an INTENSE massage and enjoy hot coffee or cold white wine, give me a yell. Actually, I've been to the Philly area many times and I could use a good excuse for an excursion down there! Have an exceptional day! -----------------------------------
So, anyway, i just thought y'all would enjoy this selection of relatively friendly and amusing email. Of course, i haven't posted the REALLY weird ones...i'm waiting til i have a few more. Then I'll make a secondary page or something.
Have an exceptional day! (tee hee) - Hillary